Brown Bear: The story

To you, this is a simple earring. To me, it is so much more than that.

Reading was always a challenge for me growing up and I still struggle as an adult. I feared being called on to read out loud in all of my classes and by college I barely had higher than a sixth grade reading level. I never wanted Olivia to have the same struggles so we made it a priority to surround her by any and every book we could find. The moment we found out we were pregnant, every extra dollar went to expanding our home library. Every single picture book we saw, we bought it. My favorites were always based on the illustrations and not the actual stories.

Out of our piles and piles and piles of books, my most treasured were anything from Eric Carle. His use of color, shape, texture, and movement had me scanning each page endlessly in awe. Luckily for me, there was a two year stretch where Olivia would pick this book every night I did our bedtime routine and I will always love those moments. Livi saying, “Brown bear, brown what do you see?” while spittle collected in her paci between each word. She basically memorized the entire book before she could walk.

For her second birthday I made her a red bird custom to go with her book themed photoshoot. I even made her a smash cake complete with a fondant Brown Bear. Remembering this day brings me immense joy and I keep a photo from the shoot in front of my desk always. The wagon that the books are stacked in is the same vintage Radio Flyer that we plant Olivia’s fairy garden in each spring.

It was May 23, 2022 when I made the first set of brown bears. I remember this date exactly because it was was my mother’s birthday and because of our complicated history and toxic relationship this day always stung as it approached. I remember sitting at my desk while tears welled up thinking about how I’m never going to have the mother I needed growing up or now. During these all consuming thoughts I picked up some clay and just started mashing it. I regained focus on what I was doing and happened to notice the picture of Olivia from her book birthday photoshoot. I suddenly remembered that little girl who I read to every night and we spent all day baking and making messes. I remembered that, while I will never have the support of a nurturing parent, I make the decision everyday to be the parent Olivia needs. My tears ceased and with new determination I decided to pay homage to Eric Carle and see if I could replicate his painted tissue paper collage work and made the first bear.

I was so pleased with my success and shared it in my stories. I instantly received so many message regarding these bears ranging from the idea I was copying Carle to “OMG, I have to this.” I never create from a place of, “I have to make money.” I solely create to heal my inner child and to help me process my traumas and emotions. So when I created these first bears I had no intention of ever reproducing these for my shop. They were simply helping me not melt into a puddle of self loathing. After three years of loss and struggle, Chance and I have decided this year we are going to turn bad experiences into good ones and these bears served that purpose. Now when I think back on May 23rd I think about these bears and how important Eric Carle was to reshaping my perspective on life and motherhood.

After I shared the bears on my stories I really struggled with the idea of releasing them for others. I constantly second guessed myself and hated the idea of having you question my integrity and think that I “copied” another artist for my own personal gains.

The first set of Brown Bears I made.

I played around more with perfecting this painted “tissue” technique with clay I decided to research more about Carle. I feel in love with him and his work even more and learned that May 23 is actually the day that he passed. So creating these bears on the anniversary of his passing was the perfect homage to him and the positive impact he has made in my life.

Over the last six month, I had conversations with three friends who I admire and respect dearly as humans and artists about these bears. With their perspectives and encouragement I finally stopped agonizing over the decision to release these bears. I have decided to move forward with them and they will be released for the first time on Black Friday, Nov 25th at 9am PST.

For Olivia’s second birthday she was the “red bird.” I keep this photo in front of my desk at all times and it instantly makes me smile.

These Brown Bears will forever be the most important piece I’ve ever made to date.

They are a constant reminder that I have the power to determine my future and my past does not define me. Olivia has a hunger for knowledge and stories and I know it all began the day we brought her home to an endless supply of hard and soft covers. They will constantly be a bright light in my memories when I find myself growing bitter and emotional around the end of May. They are me giving myself permission to move forward and heal. And now they will be able to gain many more meanings to everyone else who will own their very own pair of Brown Bears.

Hugs,
-Steph

I even made her a “Brown Bear” smash cake. It was the very first Eric Carle piece I made.